You have been invited to an Indian wedding

It is not one day

A wedding in India is usually three to five days of distinct events, and guests are often invited to all of them. Broadly: an engagement or roka, a mehndi where henna is applied, a sangeet that is music and dancing, the haldi with turmeric, then the wedding day itself with the groom's procession (baraat) and the ceremony (pheras), and a reception after.

Customs vary enormously by region, religion and family. A Punjabi Sikh wedding, a Tamil Hindu wedding and a Muslim nikah have little in common beyond the scale of the hospitality. Ask your hosts which events they would like you at — they will be pleased you asked.

What to wear

Colour, not black or white. Black is avoided at auspicious occasions and white is associated with mourning in much of India. Beyond that: cover shoulders and knees, expect to remove shoes at temples and often at homes, and dress up more than you think is necessary. Nobody in the room will be underdressed.

Foreign guests are not expected to wear Indian clothes, but you will delight your hosts if you do. A kurta for men or a plain salwar kameez for women is easy to buy locally and easy to wear. The wedding day itself is the one to dress most formally for.

Gifts and money

Cash in an envelope is normal and welcome, and the amount traditionally ends in one rather than being a round figure, as the extra rupee is considered auspicious. A gift from your own country is a good alternative and often more appreciated. Avoid leather items, and avoid alcohol unless you know the family drinks.

Things that surprise foreign guests

• Timings are indicative. An event announced for seven may begin at nine.
• You will be photographed constantly, often by people you have not met.
• You will be fed far more than you can eat, and refusing repeatedly is expected before you accept.
• The ceremony itself can be long and is often not the social centre of the day.
• Drinking varies completely by family and community. Watch before assuming.

The days around the wedding

Most guests fly in for a wedding and end up with two or three free days either side, and no plan for them. If the wedding is anywhere in the north, Agra and the Golden Triangle are within reach — that is what these itineraries are for.